there is a puppy in the bar... no really i didnt steal this one
remind me to tell you about the ham sandwich empire im building
Dude, she uses Old Spice. It smelled like I was eating out my grandfather.
I probably should have cut it off when he started putting queso on my nipples, but within ten minutes I was a self-serve burrito bar.
Heated debate on which is worse. Pissing your pants or puking all over yourself
Nope. She just screamed at me "YOU WERE A FAILED ABORTION" and "I'LL PUT ANTHRAX IN YOUR PILLOW YOU LITTLE FUCK". Best mother award ever
Mark is going to get hypothermia. he is shirtless eating snow bc he "doesnt want to be dehydrated" tomorrow. youre in charge.
Just hook me up with your dad already stop being selfish
Dont get mad at me, it takes two to tango
IT TAKES ONE TO EJACULATE INTO THE OTHER WITHOUT CONSENT, AND SPOILER ALERT, ITS THE ONE WITH A SCROTUM FULL OF SEMEN.
are you just sitting in your hotel room drinking popsicle vodka?
.....well anything sounds bad when you say it like THAT
I'm gonna send you a dick pic now just so your uncomfortable at work
Woke up backwards on a recliner
and it's like......my shirt is off and he's talking about quidditch. why.
I came over to get dick...not to watch you vacuum....at 2 AM
I've never seen so much of my blood outside me. After the initial shock it was kind of cool.
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