my dad just beat the shit out of me cuz i blew my nose on one of my dirty t shirts and he saw it and thought it was cum.
you went into starbucks asked for a mocha "on the rocks"
I think his glow in the dark Star Wars sheets, at the time, really turned me on.
Asking him not to sleep with other girls is like asking me not to have my period apparently
Anything that comes outta your cooch is bound to be breathtaking
That could use a little rephrasing
Speaking of ejaculate, did you get the side of your car cleaned off?
Just bought koolaid for my vodka in a DARE shirt with my NES wallet. I'm everything I thought I'd be when I was 8.
Except even better, boobs get discounts.
"it's Wednesday" isn't a good enough excuse to take my debit card and use it for your own drunken needs. You owe me 250 bro
No, seriously, I've slept with 3 guys this month.
It's ok, February is a short month
Smoked a joint with my old camp counselor and now we're going to a strip club. There is a god.
i don't know what body building stuff he's on, but his cum is basically a 5 hour energy shot.
Let us ponder on the good times. Ya know when the Jonas brothers were incapable of growing facial hair and I didn't fully understand what a dick looks like
Am I getting cock blocked by karaoke? That's a first.
I'm alone, 3 beers in, and cutting tshirts into belly tops.
Whose the chick running for dorm president promising bigger dicks and softer toilet paper? That’s who I m voting for
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