Trimmed my pubes and broke your paper shredder. Separate events.
Kirsten Dunst is sitting next to me in a bar in NYC
Tell her I want my money back for Elizabethtown.
I could have mohawked her pubes.
i just googled "what is oprah really like?" how do YOU think my night is going?
He just screamed at her, "if you pass out i am still having sex with you!!!" In front of the entire party.
I have had it with that bitchy sack of crazy. Iam done!
I think I'd rather ejaculate tabasco. You'd have to scrape out guacamole.
and yes, the jail cell in Citi Field does have a big Mets symbol in it
His dick was as big as my arm. Giving him a handjob was like giving someone an Indian sunburn.
My vagina can tell he is in a metal band. I dont know if I can sit down.
The more and more I think about it, the more I realize... it's not ok to just pull over on the side of the highway to pee... I'm sorry I argued that
Nothing says "back to school" like walking in the first day with a hangover
I ran into a wall that clearly had things popping out. My eyebrow was bruised, both arms, the bottom of my foot. Lost half of my finger nail, my fake eyelash was stuck in my hair and I have about 47 blurry pictures of a half naked zombie DJ.
i feel as though me waking up and asking her if i went to the hospital was a sign that i was not okay
How do I let my trainer know I'm only at the gym so I can get in more intense sex positions?
Randomize
