cab driver says "I saw your friend who opens her legs. she went home with two guys." pretty sure he was talking about you
I've really got to stop smuggling half full bottles of beer out of bars in my purse.
You know i think she's just using me for sex
I hate you.
I'm not gonna lie. having my legs shaved for me in the morning was a lovely surprise.
Go to petsmart and tell me if the dog trainer is the guy I slept with friday. Thanks.
he was holding the bottle like a running back yelling for security and the national guard as he was being tackled
My drug dealer is making me hot tea during the snowstorm...I'm a fan.
He gave me a card that said "I'm so glad we found each other... In the pants" and a pat on the head... My walk of Shame wasn't so bad.
Given everything we have talked about, is it wrong to ask you to be faithful to me, despite still dating him?
Tell me when you get here. I'm drinking beer in the bushes next to your house, and I put my hoodie up because I was cold. Pretty sure everyone lowkey thinks i'm homeless.
Do you still speak french? one of two girls I woke up with only speaks french...
I just need to drink whiskey get off and eat some cheese. Why is that so fucking hard for god to deliver.
sorry for any reference made toward your boobs or making you feel pregnant or incapable of peeing. make it a wonderful day.
i asked her if she was sure that she was ready to do it and she replied with "come at me bro"
lord you gonna make me abandon my soup for tasteful catboy nudes
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