I have the worst farts today, I'm walking by the cubicles of people I don't like and leaving them surprises. Brb.
i fell off the bed in the middle of it, and he yelled "5 second rule" and kept fucking me. i think im in love
like why cant he just admit that he still wants to fuck me even though im underage
her roommate was in the bathroom for over an hour so i volunteered to take the dog out and i shit in the bushes
You need to take one for the team and go bang a random sample of mexicans. Cause my internets broke and I can't google mexican foreskin stats.
composition of my stomach right now: 60% C8H10N4O2 * H2O (coffee), 20% CaCO3 (pepto bismol/tums), 10% HCl (stomach acid), 5% fried rice, 5% residual adderall. i can do that by percent mass too. fuck you finals.
She just had to change the song on the radio cause I was tap dancing on her windshield
Well I tried to call you. I was convinced my body was made of wood. But the Xmas lights in my room helped
I think ur a lot drunker then u think u are. That girl has the body of a cartoon character and not in a good way.
I'm like five sips away from making a Craigslist post for true love and mustaches. My family is going to disown me tonight.
We're both great liars, in committed relationships, and horny. Its the perfect storm of cheating
Why are you there anyways?
Pickin up ball pit balls from craigslist
Got to use the phrase "sweet pukas dude." My day is made.
I just don't understand why we can't have sex in the house. I'll come see you but I'll have to think about the barn thing.
I woke up with my my shoes on and pants half way off and missing 60 dollars. Please please please tell me you saw me last night.
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