ally, we are sitting by a fire and you are totally hot. no pun intended
a girl is trying to cook hot pockets in a saute pan on the stove.
Also, never say you're cool with a threesome if they ask. That shit's a trap.
Ladystoner tip: if eyes are bloodshot, lime green eyeliner makes them appear less red. its basic artt.
she made sit in a corner, drink nothing but water and told me she was worried about me because i picked up an irish guy at a taxi rank. says the girl who invented tequila night and fucked a guy in a park across the street from a sweet sixteenth.
Yeah I just gotta do it so that my major doesn't find out. Doesn't look good having a stripper teach your 3rd grader
He's both a cowboy and a firefighter. Saying "no" was not an option.
Should I be concerned you put your last name in my phone as "danger"?
I need to mount that unicorn and turn him into a full blown steed.
I'm not letting you use my bathroom unsupervised anymore. You peed in the sink thinking it was a urinal...
My boss and I ended up at the same strip club. We both got lap dances while talking about work.
I just told my bowl "sorry" for putting it down, because I thought I hurt its feelings. omg. I'm high.
Is there any chance of you maybe wanting a bouncy house at your wedding. Like maybe a .0001 chance. If so I would totally chip in for that.
You told him he “could park his dick in your garage”.
Well he didn’t. It shouldn’t be this hard to get a penis.
It's like the perfect sandwich, once you find it you want to ensure your future access to it.
Randomize
