1:32a: I quit. signing up for eharmony. Don't judge
State Street has never looked so beautiful than during my walk of shame.
Even water is tasting like jack daniels
so I think he was half asleep, but he woke me up by saying "where's my cow? Is it being shipped?" He must have been dreaming about farmville..
Her vagina is like Vegas. high traffic and full of glitter.
I just got cut off for correcting the bartender's grammar. I should have never accepted that fucking editors position.
I've decided the third guy that I slept with is who I lost my virginity to...
I'm not trying to alarm you guys, but I think I just swallowed a ketchup packet.
You thought your socks were broken. They were just inside out.
There's jack Daniels coming out of my eyes instead of tears.
Unintentional and slightly frustrating adventures are basically all I'm good for. Expect heart palpitations, cheap food, and homeless men serenading us.
I'm tired of the topic. I sent him a pic of my vagina to change it.
why did you put a dildo on the ceiling fan
the dildo had a suction cup and we had a ceiling fan what did you expect?
Are you saying I'm your favorite hot mess?
I'm actually my favorite my hot mess, but you're a close second.
not only was there glitter in the toilet after i peed, but there was some on the toilet paper after i wiped. this cant be healthy.
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