She has HUUUUUUUGE nipples
just had to shower sitting down. i hope this isn't an indicator of how the rest of my week is going to go.
He ended up walking out of his bedroom and told me to look at the nonexistent fire he was holding in his hand. Im upset I didn't take those shrooms.
look at his last status update. 3:41 a.m. "i love u and miss u already egg burrito. happy trails friend." OF COURSE HE SMOKES POT.
Guess who is playing his new drum set when his roommate gets home to teach her a lesson about binge drinking to the point of being taken to the emergency room?
Very impressive. My GPA is the same amount of orgasms I can offer tonight (valid only tonight): 3.5
Nope. He totaled my car then moved back to Louisiana to work things out with baby mama. I sure know how to pick em
YOU'RE HIGH AND AT THE GYM OF COURSE YOU FEEL WEIRD
My thighs feel like glass
Being drunk is way better. Seriously, I just licked your brother to make sure my spit was actually real.
I just came inside of a Gatorade bottle. That hungover.
I was so ripped I had a natty light box over my head carrying a spray bottle out in the streets trying to give car washes.
He didn't get how "starting a flash flood in my thunderhole" was a sexy euphemism. Deal breaker.
Your cock has been in the back of my throat. Co-worker is no longer a sufficient title. Fix that shit ASAP
I imagine you as a cat holding your burrito with two paws and cutely eating it
Just saw 4 of my students at Denny's at 4am on a Tuesday. We all pretended not to see each other, as we are all clearly tipsy and/or stoned. Class is in less than 4 hours. Either i'm getting too old for this shit or they're starting on the road to crazy-town much earlier these days.
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