So I got hit on by a gay guy. It might have something to do with the fact that I licked his nose.
And why did you do that?
Tequila
I went to his work to give him some blankets and ended up blowing him in the bathroom. See what happens when you don't come over?
You'll be the guy with the raft that sells burritos on the river. You'd be legendary.
I swear a good massage is the easiest way in my pants.
Not that there's a hard way... but you know what I mean.
I'm in the grocery store cradling a box of wine like it's my firstborn, so of course this would be the first and only time I've ever seen my boss outside of the office.
Dont even try and act like it wasn't you who made the sex tape of my dogs.
She said her hobbies include bangin guys on one night stands and then sending them facebook relationship requests the next morning just to freak em out
This milkshake tastes better than sex. Priorities, I have them.
We talk about tequila and blow jobs the way that normal people talk about the news and the weather.
I sent him a naked picture of me with the caption "I lost at beer pong, this was a dare. Hope your nights going as good as mine" I've never talked to him in my life, this is a strange way to start.
You know I found it really difficult to find a full lenght picture for the egg donor site where I wasn't holding any alcohol...
Went to a date party without a date and had a threesome wooops
Amanda bynes is my spirit animal
He congratulated me by offering up free orgasms.. I told him I also had a birthday last month we needed to celebrate.. He was there in ten minutes.
Why are there four guys spooning on the living room floor?
They're still there? Shit. They were supposed to leave after they hugged it out.
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