3am cut off hipster s***'s afro on porch. Opened champagne. Felt like delilah cutting off samson's hair. Then shower & anal. So I guess his powers are intact.
i really wish facebook had an app for when you are looking at a chick's photo album, you could just skip to the ones where she and/or her friends are dressed like skanks
If your still trying to figure out the moment I stopped caring; it was the point in which you said "I really wasn't sure whose baby it was"
just served this dwarf dude an entire pitcher of malt liquor. watching this will totally be worth my bartender's certification.
He was sweet. He even warned me that his dick curved, and I quote, "more than a banana."
cell reception changed and I can no longer text you from the toilet... that means I'll be texting you less often, just fyi
i came on her dog
I don't understand but I fell asleep naked holding a tub of cool whip and a boiled egg
If I get aids I am starting a lawsuit against snapchat.
Well I accidentally flashed a 76 year old woman, i'm in a house full of republicans and Im almost drunk enough to give the gay rights speech so i'd say this wedding reception is going great
I said his dick tasted like a Hawaiian Sweet Roll. And then I yelled MAHALO.
I'm floating on a 30mph cloud right now not giving a fuck
I'm spring cleaning all of the fuck boys out of my life.
My tinder date had to be home by 8:30 cause she's on house arrest.
Things he has managed to cum on so far on spring break: my bikini, my back-up bikini, three of my four bras, two pairs of panties, four beds, six chairs, the floor of several hotel rooms, the window/door to the balcony from both sides, my tits, my face, my stomach, his stomach, my ass, his best friend's girlfriend's face, and his best friend's dick.
Just FYI spring break is over and you're supposed to be back in class but hey sounds like you had your orgy so congrats.
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