When you told me you were coming to my show, I didn't know you were bringing Satan and Brokeback Mountain with you.
woke up and her hair clip was clamped around my shaft
I'm cleaning the house. And I can't stop listening to Enrique Iglesias. Am I gay?
I even have the new album if that helps you make a decision.
unlike you, ive never imagined darth vader masturbating
Man, i was looking at the pictures i took last night in one i was on the Kentucky line fist pumping with a hobo..wth happened?
Just got a blowjob in her closet with two people sleeping outside in the room. I feel like the emperor of college.
your mom just called me and asked me why i'm not in jail with you right now.
The bouncers kicked us out around 3 so we went to the grocery store flasks in hand and asked them to turn up their music...
Trying to take a shit right now to the beat of the fuckin drumcircle outside... It's not goin well
Ohhh,that's true. Babies are only fun when you're high. Otherwise, they're the worst kind of people.
Apparently I still called the officer "sir" despite the fact I was at a .21 BAC. Southern girls are raised right
I hate men. But I love dick. You see my problem?
Dude, they hit that lizard part of my brain that tells me to fuck people.
Preach sister.
He named his newborn baby after a character in the Hobbit and that is literally keeping me up at night.
Life's hard when you can't differentiate between retrograde and PMS
Randomize
