i fucked some guy last night. i called him nick jonas by mistake. i'm 24.
I'm at the bar and I just saw some unnecessary and accidental cooter...sometimes I think girls need a license to go out pantyless in public.
opening your purse in class to grab a pen only to find dollar bills and pink fuzzy handcuffs instead...that's a cool feeling
oh well at that point I was already depressed with life because I had watched the bratz movie.
some girl just asked me how to spell unconscious. I really want to know what she was texting.
Your maid of honor is passed out in a golf cart on the 18th hole.
If you could smell my eyes you'd understand the whole story
Get a piano. I want to have sex on it.
It was the night of "what the fuck have you done with my daughter and where is she" texts from mom...
i ended up eating cold sauceless spaghetti out of the container in the fridge with my hands.
so it turns out the huge bruises on my knees are from drunk bmxing and not getting railed from behind on the ground
and ill have you know that I only wiped out twice
you woke me up at 1am last night high on cough syrup to tell me jay z was an idiot for cheating on beyonce
So I slept with some guy last night and when I woke up in the am couldnt remember his name. I text him n asked "How do you spell your name?" to try n find out and all he replied was "With an A." WTF!?
Drunk twilight is the only twilight
I just came in my own mouth don't ask me how cuz it really hurt and felt good at the same time.
Randomize