based on who turned up here tonight the whole evening should just be called "mistakes i made when i was fat"
Should I tell Kevin that my finger was in his sister's ass last night?
the fact that my dorm room overlooks a children's daycare is enough initiative for me to have safe sex.
i'm going to look back at this as the time of my life when i casually dated that autistic guy
There is a pube in my fucking eyeball
I feel like he's only with me because no one else would blow him.
How external is "for external use only"?
You got her pregnant one week before your vasectomy? You couldn't wait one week to cheat on me?
When you put the phrases "just out of shower" and "did you get the picture" that close together, a picture of hamburger helper is not exactly what I expected to pop up.
Sailor Jerry came over for the evening. It was a magical evening. I didn't even get puke in the house.
Found an elderly homeless guy with a Gandalf beard passed out on my porch. I put a Santa hat over his erect dick cause he was naked.
So TMI but just realizing I have not masturbated since trump took office. He's sucked the sex drive out of me.
I sent her a video on Snapchat of me cumming, with a Father's Day snap filter that said "#1 Dad".
My brother is coming home and he is bringing a whole bunch of friends with him. I am making him a cake. What should i put on it?
"Open for business" or "I have condoms" would probably work
I’ll call you later. There’s a jilted trophy wife looking for a revenge fuck at my door
Randomize
