First off: I'm drunk so fuck you. Second: you weren't a bad girlfriend. Tres: thats 3 in spanish. Number 4: fuck 3 Doors Down
The paper boy just woke me up in the front yard again.
He made sure to throw up on the Mexico side of the border while we were in line at the check point. Then finished by screaming you an have it back. You can have it all back.
Fact: Telling a guy he has erectile dysfunction doesn't solve the problem.
I Never golf you the sypdu of andrew. The one o will marry. The one j plwgded my last breath up. The one I pledged everything I live forbworh to. I love him more than life itself
I gave you a lap dance in a bowling alley... And I was Fine?
Just so you know, my new pet parrot tried to bond sexually with me today. That is what Google told me. I'm not sure of its gender.
I'm gonna go to bars and pick up women hopped up on democracy.
We bought only tequila and Twister. And you're STILL surprised you got pregnant?
This stupid maranara sauce stain sucks. It keeps distracting me and it looks like I'm staring at my tits.
I was chasing moonshine with vodka last night. I'm still not sure how I'm sober right now.
Having sex with him is like eating mayo. Don't think about it, just do it. It's worth it.
Lady Gaga is doing the 1/2 time show. I hope it's gay and liberal as fuck.
What the hell did you do last night?
I embarrassed myself, my family, name, and possibly my country.
You looked at the bouncer while you pissed on the front door of the bar and said...who the fuck are you?
Randomize
