dude you need to get laid
me?
no, the other guy who hasn't been laid in 7 months
oh I thought you were talkin about me
wait
How long do you need to date somebody until it is acceptable to fart in their presence?
The real question is how long do you need to date them to dutch oven them?
Erin Andrews shaves. She also likes to check out her ass in the mirror. Of course if I had an ass like that I'd be checking it out in the mirror too.
so I finished the entire bottle...next thing I know, it's 8 am and I wake up on the fucking beach in the low tide with a family standing about 30 feet from me just staring.
He showed up to fuck me at the same time the pizza guy did. It was like everything I needed just showed up at my stoop.
I fell asleep at the bar. And the bouncer threw a snowball at my face.
He's bringing condoms over for me in case we "bone".... the fact he calls it boning is not a great start.
Please tell me you have Advil or Tylenol or ibuprofen or a fucking baseball bat
I think I fell in love with her when I saw her kick a freshman in the chest
So you'd go straight for a fat chick with cheese on her tits?
Yes.
Hahaha perfect. Let's start stopping drinking tomorrow
She's blowing me while I'm watching air jaws. I love shark week.
Can I just go to one establishment in which I haven't banged anyone ?
We got cut off at the bar, but it's okay because I tactically rolled behind the bar and grabbed a bottle of whiskey. Meet me in the back booth when you're done puking in the bathroom. This is about to get real slutty.
he went down on me and a few minutes later he asked to show me a magic trick. then he pulled a quarter out of my vagina
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