Didn't tell him I was on my period. Then had to surreptitiously remove some uterine lining from his cock.
She has 2500 facebook friends. I probably should have used a condom.
i love that when i tell my kids and grandkids about how we first met it will be about this little thing called a "poke" on facebook
What kind of flower means "I want to have unprotected sex with you, preferably from behind?" because thats the message I'd really like to send on Valentines Day
The best time of year to be high is WHEN THE KING CAKES ARE HALF OFF BECAUSE MARDI GRAS IS OVER YEEEEEEEEEEEEAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHH
Sorry for calling you a whore in front of your mom. World cup brings the worst out of me.
My vagina would be awesome. I would be the most popular girl in the village.
I hope in my next life I'm a sterile trophy wife. With a husband who showers me in wealth and gifts but can't get a hard on. Do you think my karma is good enough for that?
I don't know what kind of soup they made, but it smells like condoms.
they adjusted my tv to black and white ... i thought i drank myself to colorblindness
We got buck wild in our animal onesies last night. You kept ripping off your tail in angry rages.
Well don't pass out under a Swedish flag and people won't make assumptions
I'm perplexed as to why anyone on this planet is straight
Its not something you can force it it just has to happen like a rainbow or pooping
In this house, we have but one simple rule: DONT FUCKIN TOUCH MY STUFF OR I'LL CUT YOUR NECK IN UR SLEEP
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