you kept typing in answers.com, why are the state police calling my house, expecting an answer
So I used the "I've never cummed from a BJ before" line last night.
And that worked?
9 for 9! Not only does it give them a goal but they have a sense of accomplishment afterwards.
Reason #1 for no sex outdoors: Mosquito bites. Awkward, awkward mosquito bites.
all i remember was you yelling "look at my little feet" at everyone on the way home from the bar.
i wish it would rain vodka just once. i have not puked yet bring it on
I just called him "young grasshopper" in a conversation. THIS is why I don't get numbers when I'm sober
you asked my brother if you could eat the cupcake that you found. you were showing him a baked potato
I don't know what to say to that. All I know is my vagina is trying to jump through the phone.
you slapped the bag of goldfish out of her hands and screamed, "BITCH THIS AINT NO AQUARIUM". That's how fucked up
I wish I got like a congrats basket for being a responsible sexually active member of society complete with condoms, tissues and lollipops.
I told people at my moms bar that all I needed to sober up was to get my asshole licked, and I blame you 110%.
this is the last time i am going to a 7am booty call
I will feed you tacos. I will touch your butt. Happy Valentine's Day ❤️
he was wearing pj pants, thank you for not letting me go home with him
This Cougar is looking at me like I’m a piece of meat and buying me top shelf cocktails
I’m getting a fear boner thinking about what she might do to me
Randomize
