So, we're in the car ready to fuck and she asks about my ex. I wave at my lap and say, "bye". She asks what I'm doing. I say, "waving goodbye to my erection"
watching E! true Hollywood story: curse of the lottery.. i'd probably spend all my money on blow and airplanes too..
I just want you to know if you wake up tomorrow morning and wreak of mustard, I was not involved.
I just made a steamroller out of a christmas ornament. I feel so festive.
I never thought that taking apart multiple age 5 and under puzzles would be part of my house party clean up process.
Yeah, sorry about that. I just couldn't stop.
False alarm it was margarita mix all over my hands not blood
Using that mug my little cousin painted for me as an ashtray for my weed...at least next time he asks me if I'm using it I can say yes
Yeah her jello shots are the next closest thing to a lethal injection. That potent.
If it makes you feel any better about life I'm wearing yoga pants with granny panties and toms with socks cause fuck my life
I shouldn't be that hard, but i cant exactly put "a guy to tie me up and fuck me and then brush my hair" in my dating profile
Remember that whole "don't let me drink" thing? We should really start sticking to that.
Im going to hell I gave him a handjob on the plane next, to an old guy playing video games on his iPad, on good friday.
I did a line of coke with my ex tonight. Talk about memories
does 2pm fall under the wake n bake category?
We still getting married? Or were you day drinking
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