Do you like marathons because that's how long I plan on fucking you.
a cabby told me that vodka is the coors light of liquor, and then gave me his number
You took a bar mat shot.
nope, if she's going to skank it up with ginge-a-saurus douche she deserves the silent treatment.
the party has pretty much ended, it's just 20ish of us jumping and grinding to music from some guy's phone in the corner.
Dude between pissing everywhere and all of those frogs, that bathroom got wrecked.
It's not that I'm in love with her, so much as I would love to be her lesbian experience.
No dude, I'm not naming my kid after your beard
I mean he did ask and he said it's cold out but i didn't realize we were that comfortable hahaha sex is one thing but borrowing a sweatshirt?
Locking that text forever.
Have you ever come so hard that right after you have the urge to yell "make me a sandwich!"? ...I think my ovaries turned into testicles.
I spent most of my night in the men's room eating popcorn on the garbage can conversing with strangers pissing
This morning, I found 5 naked people in Steve's bed with post sex hair, and Steve fully clothed sleeping on the ground.
I woke up to an email from expedia confirming my flight to hong kong
What started out as a one night stand ended in him texting me the next day, saying he thought he was gay.
It's a shame I've been hooking up with him for 6 months and he still doesn't know my real name.
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