glad you had fun, i did too. am rubbing aloe on my butt now.
I've decided to bang my pen-pal.
I really like him. That's why I'm having sex with someone else, so he doesnt think i'm a slut.
I have a great idea. you just need to get pregnant.
Mother, no, i will not talk about this again. Please stop planning my unborn daughters life. I will not put her in pagents. That is trashy. Stop watching toddlers in tiaras. It is also trashy. I love you.
Remember that amazing deer? You peed next to that dear..
I've been thinking about it and if we ever have a threesome it'll start off with us clothed solely in our matching fur vests
okay. this is james and youre probably never ever gonna see me again unless i really really really want some pussy. sorry.
I'm sorry I tried putting my balls in your cup holder.
We need to get sombreros so I can give them to strippers.
Just got hit on by a 50 year old Englishman who is now swapping drunken racing stories with my mom. Live Mariachi band in the background. How's that for a wake?
I was sitting here smiling wondering why i'm so fucking happy at work. cookie has kicked in
I'm eating a block of cheese like its a sandwich in the tsa line
Just asphyxiate me and toss my corpse in the Ocean. It'll be easier than whatever the next four or eight years will bring.
immediately after sex he started talking to me about nerdy stuff he meant to text me earlier, I'm completely smitten
She’s fine. Found her in the bathtub eating Cheerios and watching Rugrats on an iPad.
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