I cant believe I just managed to do a drug deal across the country for you...
I wish we had a justin bieber to wanna fuck when we were younger... But noooo we just had hanson
we were so high we made up an elaborate backstory because we were paranoid about going into the wig shop w/o being serious wig shoppers
sometimes i wish i had boobs. not on me. just like in a drawer.
It doesn't count as drinking alone if you're making rum cake with it.
i had to pay fifty dollars for throwing up in the limo, 60 fucking dollars to throw up all over myself
She passed out in the backyard, making "face down" snow angels ... so they could have a smile.
July 5th AKA Day of regret AKA picnicing in a laundromat. Someone puked allover the comforter. Liffe of champions.
this is worse than the time i threw up a condom.
He was handing out home-made business cards that read "finger slamming bitches since 1986"\n
HURRY. I NEED DRUNK. MORE DRUNK.
I am gathering blankets and bags of horse grain to pad my truck bed so I have a comfy place to crash when I get home, without the inconvenience of stairs. Or doors. Or walking. But with the refreshing scent of molasses.
I call it a party but only because that sounds better than 8 people getting drunk around a pool.
The second time he came it projectile shot in my ear
We were in a spooning position and it shot all the way up. He was like sorry. Physics.
The hospital waiting room is starting to become a very familiar place to me.
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