I've slept with so many tools that you'd think my pussy was Home Depot.
i said send nudes i get bra and panties. thats not what i fucking asked for.
he was dropping me off and i told him i had to go to the bathroom and i leaned into kiss him and he asked how i went to the bathroom with a tampon up there... he was amazed that their was a third hole...and wanted me to show him where it was
I drove 5 hours to see her. She thanked me by getting shitfaced, inviting her boyfriend over, and making me sleep on the couch after I cooked for them and did the dishes. You're right. I'm a fucking doormat.
Basically I learned last night that if you're too polite people will think it's okay to play with your nipples when really its not even a little okay
Traveling before 21 and traveling after 21 are two different things. There's a whole nother world of red white and blue weird out there
Like fighting the continuous urge to sing Neil diamond "coming to America" kinda fucked up right now
I couldn't figure out her damn button fly jeans... IM NOT A FUCKING ENGINEER
I'm not really made for random hookups.. i'm like a swan.. i don't wanna have random swan sex. i just wanna have one swan hubby and fly around the world together and eat bread that people throw at us..
They flooded the bathroom and their version of cleaning it up was to throw our couch cushions on it. That's when I decided to chug tequila and go drunk bowling. So hitting the kid with my ball is really their fault.
My dream of watching a live dick sword fight might never be realized now. Currently sobbing, shots to follow
I forgot to tell you that he serenaded me with "Fuck Her Gently" by Tenacious D. And I didn't hate it.
I can feel the shame as I walk down your hallway.. good night
sorry bout the carpet, but you DID call it "blackout punch" not "don't vom on my floor punch"
Dear Douchebag, I would just like to formally issue this fuck you. You will be receiving a letter in the mail soon. With all of your stuff.
Randomize
