You came in at two thirty, wearing your underwear and a tie then asked where you could find a sombrero and a pair of stilletos that would fit your men's size thirteen feet.
I know it may not be fiscally responsible to pregame fifty cent night, but I'm gonna go ahead and do it anyway.
It's like my butt was the only innocence I had left and now I don't even have that.
all law school has taught me so far is how to fart quietly during lectures and how to out-argue the ice cream guy when he screws me out of extra toppings.
Went to the doctor's today. The lady took one look at my throat and said "oh god"
Too much penis in there.
Romney sounds like a middle school girl and that creepy ass smile makes me want to close my blinds
The guy behind me is talking about how his life goal is to use his knowledge of mathematics to make the world a better place. My only life goal right now is getting through this lecture without throwing up in my lap.
Moral of the story: I had sex to Back to the Future last night.
SO EXCITED ABOUT STRING CHEESE RIGHT NOW
I'm in the woods tripping balls the water is rising why don't you answer me
I knew it was you who came home last night because no one else would walk in at 3 am and start microwaving a burrito
He's driving 2 hours to visit me and he's bringing weed. I love him so much.
you bet i'm gonna rock his four-foot-two world.
His name was Dragon. For real. How do you not sleep with a Dragon? Don't judge me.
As in, legitimately worried. You just sent me a 6 message long text that did not contain any complete words.
Randomize
