The way you explained my vagina was exactly the way I would of described my breakfast burrito.
every single one of us blacked out. we woke up the next morning and it was like the night never happened. IT'S STILL A MYSTERY
fun fact of the day: the man setting up my checking account at my bank has thrown up on my front lawn.
I'm skyping with my parents and reading Cosmo articles on giving great head. I'm on a roller coaster that only goes up, baby.
He might have if you were a little more subtle about your feelings instead of telling everyone multiple times how much you wanted his dick
He shit in a sock dude, you can't come back from that
In college, I had one standard. Penis. A lot has changed since then. Now I really only have one standard. Breathing.
I just won a riveting game of "who can drink the most vodka out of a hollowed out watermelon". Fucking New Yorkers.
he's definitely still old enough to be your dad. even your grandfather, if you come from a line of juvenile delinquents
In my dream, you became a famous tap-dancer. Congratulations.
Wearing the same clothes for three days in a row and eating an entire two pound bag of jelly beans really has a way of making a person rethink their life...
You have set the bar insurmountably high with apple pie and buttsex.
he just left the suite without pants on wrapped in Christmas lights
I broke another vibrator the other day. Abstinence is not for me.
Don't do it. He's got a dick the size of a baseball bat. You don't want that commitment.
I have to. For the sake of science.
Randomize
