Just lost my virginity while listening to rick astley. torn between horror and jubilation
woke up to an unread text message i sent to myself: "brreakfdast..pork and ice cream."
He is passed out on the kitchen floor. He will fight you if you disturb him. Just a warning.
I would do laundry with you but I vaguely remember swallowing all my quarters last night as some kind of trick.
Somehow I don't trust you in this state to talk to you about a colonoscopy
Don't let the fact that shes seen my penis discourage you
I've spent more money on drugs for bonnaroo than my actual ticket. Proudly.
want to meet me after class and possibly get arrested for indecent exposure?
Just found a g string in our driveway, wtf happened this weekend?
She's cute, but batshit. Like some kind of dominatrix disney princess.
I just woke up from quarter beer tuesdays wearing 3 pairs of underwear, none of which are the ones I left wearing...2 Around my waist and one around my shoulder in an attempt at a bra. At least drunk me tries to be decent?
I'm straight up riding in the back of my truck in a bean bag chair right now. Feet propped up and four loko in hand. Glorious.
I lost a shoe at the club last night, I think that's when I decided to go home.
there is puke in my bra ... again
I'm hungover and in a fort. And I hate you.
So many questions
Randomize
