John tries to set me up, and she has 1 arm. I'm a nice guy, but 2 arms is kinda a requirement
I need to surround myself with more reliable stoners...
If Amber from Teen Mom can get a new boyfriend, so can I.
Everything was good until you pulled the bartenders hair because she cut you off
We got the idea to smoke under his bed because, and I quote, "it'd be just like going camping"
Totally just sport flirted the shit out of a girl on a wheelchair. I've done my good deed for the day.
I'm not sure how many more innuendos I can slip into this fucking conversation before I just blatantly say "I want to fuck you."
By "met a doctor" I really mean "fucked a pre med student"
This is stupid. I am not getting knocked up from fucking in his backseat behind a starbucks. I refuse.
Maybe he injected his testicle?
It's not your birthday unless mom picks you up at the bar
Your choices in alcohol this weekend are thoroughly disappointing
Eating breakfast at 1:30 in the afternoon stark naked is how everyone should live
I made a separate snapchat account so I could swap nudes with a guy from omegle.
Why do all of your bad decisions sound like fucked up mad libs?
It doesn't matter if it's only been 3 days since you last changed your sheets. If your fuck buddy comments on how your bed smells like sex, it's time to change them again.
Randomize