i might have gotten away with it if "don't tase me bro!" wasn't the first thing i said when i rolled down my window.
Downstairs neighbor just asked me to tell people when they jump off the balcony next time not to land on her flowers
She made me be the little spoon then she pretended to be a jet pack for an hour straight
Ugh he's texting me.
Tell him you're no longer interested in what he has to offer; his shitty personality outweighs his sexual prowess.
I know you're on vacation but you should know I just walk of shamed through a hotel lobby while leaving a threesome on Friday the 13th. Fuck superstition, I win.
Welcome to drink and talk like a Russian afternoon.
Pirate drinking day will be planned for shortly
I approve this so hard.
Thank you for FINALLY joining the Slutasorus Rex club in this conversation.
Let's be honest, I am pretty sketchy looking.
How do you get kicked out of 3 different Subways in one night..
Not very gracefully, that's how.
I was intimate with him for twenty minutes and will be intimate with shame for twenty years.
Im covered in coffee vomit and urine and none of which are mine
Sorry I blacked out in bed
it was real late and you were brushing your teeth with miller light. it was bound to happen.
You sending me our unborn, unfertilized babies' names is not what I envisioned when you said you'd "drunk text me later".
You know. You being in a happy healthy relationship is REALLLYY cutting into our drinking alone together time.
Well, I have no idea where my underwear is, so yea I would say it was a good weekend.
Randomize
