I woke up naked this morning and I found out that I thought I was Adam last night and Eve was my wife so I ran naked saying I was in the Garden of Eden and I could shit wherever I wanted.....too bad the garden was in my friends apt.......I spent the morning cleaning and have reached a new low
Yeah, you spent an hour in front of the mirror trying to reenact the Sailor Moon theme song.
Packing for the trip... do they take Visa in South Dakota?
The lawn was on fire, but I fixed it.
Dude i'm seriously thinking about his nipples.
I knew it was time to leave Waffle House when you started singing "What's Your Fantasy" to your hash browns.
They're not that bad of drunks, they come back to the vehicle with more stuff than they went in with, so its a profitable venture.
I'm gonna cougar town the shit out of that prom.
You kept mumbling that you could become one with the carpet as you proceeded to give yourself the worst carpet burn I have ever seen
Is a 'Dr. Willy Fister Gynecologist' costume appropriate for work?
Having to grow a landing strip to cover the bruises from pole dancing. Thanks for the birthday present, but next time, maybe just a gift card?
Nothing. Its like my body doesn't know how to function on a Saturday when its not hungover and/or still drunk.
You know you were way drunk when you wake up at 7 AM halfway on a couch, tangled in a sheet with your shoes still on.
Is it possible to hurt your vagina working out, because I think my Dumbass accomplished that... 😯😟😒😓
Do I even want to know?
I was too lazy to get my chapstick out of my purse so i lubed up my lips with pizza grease. On a scale of 1-10 how embarassed should i be?
Randomize