Why does it always sting when I'm breaking the seal taking a piss?
b/c u have herpes
No i said "always", not "since 2003" Asshole.
Yes, it's true. 4 fingers.
My boss' voice literally gives me gas
mom took my condoms, found one in the trash the next day
I know she was great
dont get me wrong, i like when a guy is into my boobs but when he started saying mama i want milk let me suck, i gathered my shit together and bounced.
idk but i have you stored in my phone as 'guy with beard doing body shots'
Sex tent. say it aloud its amazing. promise you we rnt stoned.
im standing in line right now while the 711 manager calls other locations to see if they have the john cena collectors slurpee cup in stock...yep i need to get laid
I never want to hear the words unlimited shots for boobs in the same sentence ever again.
holy fuck that shirt looks so good on him, it was like he was born with it on. that shirt deserves a blow
that's the second time I've made out with him and woken up with my pants stuffed with PBRs I am convinced he's magic
If you don't fuck me hard, rough, and senseless the minute we're alone in your room, I'm returning you to the boyfriend store
If more people understood that brunch is at 3pm the world would be a better place because you don't have to wake up early. Breakfast food is important
Vibrator fell off the top of the dresser and hit me. This might be the most embarrassing black eye incident ever
I smell like playdoh, sex, and ruined lives. I love the weekend
Randomize
