I tried to give up sex for lent. It feels weird that on easter I'm this excited to be a whore again
Just saw an Asian guy riding his razor scooter to class. Dreams do come true
the $50 fast cash from checking button should just be retitled "8th of weed"
you need to leave class get on facebook and start untagging IMMEDIATELY
Last night you tried to pee on my bed...in the hallway...your room...and the showers. When I finally got you on the toilet you passed out.
i found two dead squirrels on my front step this morning.. do you think they have something to do with my missing phone?
He somehow managed to accomplish karate kicking a door down, cockblocking my friend in the room, and writing "tits" all over the house with a blue sharpie.
Idk if you've ever had the pleasure of 1. Vomiting on a sidewalk - at 3 in the afternoon 2. Vomiting nachos or 3. Vomiting nachos out of your nose but really I do not advise any of the above.
Btw...I puked in my hand last night and threw it on the floor. Don't let me do tequila ever again.
Today is going to be the longest game of "was that a fart, or do I need to go wipe?" I have ever played. Maybe the most challenging too.
Why am I wearing a dog collar
Only way we could keep you from running in to traffic.
EW HE JUST SNAPPED ME A NUDE BUT HE CENSORED HIS DICK BY COLORING IT I DID NOT ASK FOR THIS
Like, I want sex but I also would be okay with Netflix
Getting high with your mom, but thinking of you!
Oh my fucking god!! There is a barefoot white guy with a fucking ninja sword in the middle of the street next to the pride gas station swinging his sword at peoples cars!! He almost got me. 3 people swerved off the road and stopped. I told a cop.
Randomize