cannot fit in my clothes. too depressed to drink.
if you drink enough to puke, it's like a weight loss plan.
If I were a boy, I'd name my penis Reptar.
someone called me shannon dorrhety annnd it hurt my feelingsd.
For once I'm glad there wasn't morning sex. Yes, that sore from the night before.
The panties match.
I'll be right there.
He jacked off on my pillow when he found out I left. It was like coming home and finding that your dog, with separation anxiety, had pooped in your shoes. I think I'm flattered...
Next time I say "Watch this" Get me the fuck out of the bar.
He managed to get his pants on, so the cop just sat there facing us with his lights shining in the car. I made shadow puppets.
Also, am I the only one who noticed he didn't fuck you until after you were technically a cripple? Or am I reading into this too much? Congrats on that btw
Holy high batman
The hairdryer was like a fuckin obstacle course
LOVE ME MORE THAN PIZZA CAN
Your choices in alcohol this weekend are thoroughly disappointing
After the apocalypse all we'll have is vodka and twinkles.
I think I sent pictures of my boobs to an Olympic athlete...
Ugh im hungover from last night, and to top it all off, I think someone jacked my laptop.
umm ya, so we found it in the oven wrapped in a pillow case this morning
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