I'm at the store buying plan b and vodka
the cocktail of hope
i stopped calling them hangovers and started calling mornings a long time ago.
i made sure i dropped the whole "im a yoga teacher" bomb which basically roofies a guys sense of judgement and guarantees he will sleep with me.
It's like the only way I know how to apologize is by giving a blow job.
I just noticed my teeth are no longer straight. Wondering if anyone had an explanation.
Your panties and toothbrush are in your mailbox. just not ready to be with anyone serious. take care.
What kind of gift says: "I love you because you're my mom & I'm obligated to, but I don't like you" ?
I just want to meet whoever runs the hall cameras
hahahaha I don't. Watch one day i'll be walking along and someone will stop me and say "oh you're that one girl who is out. of. control." But then they'd probably give me a high five.
80% sure the drag queens carried her home
Fuck you, I'm yelling at a mountain right now
He fell into the beer pong table and broke it. Then he threatened to throw the toliet at us if we didn't let him keep playing
Well, let's just say, I got that eye patch like we were joking about
We were fucking in the back of my truck and no joke a skunk came up and sprayed us. How am I supposed to explain this to my parents
I'm so high I have morphed into the monopoly man. Or maybe the Pringles guy. I don't know but I have a mustach now
I feel so accomplished. I've cleaned my room, done laundry, called those places, gotten jobs, and masturbated.
I'm so proud of you.
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