Thanks for stealing lime trees for me at 4:00 am. We're well on our way to having sustainable supplies for mojitos this summer.
i feel as uncomfortable as your camel toe looks.
Wat the fuck dude ketchup in my bong???
Dude, she found the red hair dye from 4th of July. then she proceeded to give you a red mohawk for a more patriotic thanksgiving eve. How do you not remember that?
Are some dicks heavier than others? Random question as I'm feeling mine.
five cans of playdoh and a game of guess whose penis ...
No. I heard a cover of "my heart will go on". This is not sanity.
Russell brand is gross. Everytime I see him I just wanna give him a bath. He's like a used condom.
they wouldnt let me drive the convertible because i was in a bird suit :(
Having to grow a landing strip to cover the bruises from pole dancing. Thanks for the birthday present, but next time, maybe just a gift card?
If you put those two in a room together it'd be like a Taylor Swift fantasy and an Adele nightmare just licking faces
She sleeps with her hand around my balls. First I thought it was just a comfort thing. Now I think it's to make sure I can't slip away in the middle of the night.
Yes, bail money means jail. It also means lie to dad, do it now.
It's the kinda thing that makes you wanna buy a rainbow flag and fight republicans and kiss girls
He is saved in her phone as Sir. Mindfuck <3/ vag cleaner of course I need to meet him.
Randomize
