I wish I could tape me & him having sex. Not for pornographic reasons, just for comic relief.
so i woke up this morning covered in mail. none of it is mine.
my self respect just called, its having a good time without me
I just went to pick up my pigeon from your house. You should be getting a picture soon
Just used "I used to work as an inflatable toy operator" as a pick up line. Freshman frenzy is great...
after further investigation i found out he's a little bit married..
Malt liquor mondays...better in theory.
Haha at least the one I have like that you can't tell we are completely drunk and you're about to kick a glass out of my hand in a fit of joy over pizza.
Either he pets my cat or this deal is null
I'm making myself the patron saint of bisexuality
I'm taking a shower and i'm gonna bring my pocketknife with me
I AM A SEXUAL NIGHTMARE
I'm too high and old for this...
I think I'm more excited for Santa to come now that I made a drinking game out of it
He may not be good for my soul but he’s great for my vagina!
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