It smells like Drakkar Noir and desperation out here.
That's why you should quit smoking.
That weatherman I hooked up with is on TV again
In case you were wondering...putting everclear into a humidifier DOES get you really really drunk.
He wants to know how I lost my bra in his pants....id like to know too
Remember when you tried to pay that stripper to cry on stage?
It's ok I'm watering my plants with a 40 in my camelback, people are staring
You know whats not fun? Making yourself throw up on a sand dune at 4 in the morning.
I just had cybersex with some guy from the Netherlands for 2 HOURS instead of doing my History project...how's your break going?
I think we should go through the tsa checkpoint with raging hardons when we go through LAX. I think we should pass out some viagra to everyone
Copy that. Decided to shower with a beer in a glass bottle. Gotta stop the bleeding first. Be there is 20
My dad handed me a drink and said, "This'll knock your dick in the dirt..."
And then I fed you egg rolls in bed as you were screaming I'm moving out
I swear the toilet was so cold I tried to stand up but my balls wer frozen to it. most awkward five minutes between me and my mom.
As I was blowing him, he proceeded to tell me that his friend who I blew years ago gave me a five star review on my BJ skills. And, he agrees.
Atta girl.
....I just did my boss
I love you. And I will hold your hand as we skip on the road to hell.
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