hey, what are you doing tonight?
sleeping, g'night!
but i wanted to see you :(
sleeping! g'night!(801): i miss you!
stop - you have a right hand - use it!
I am doing a scientific study and i need a brief description of the underpants you are wearing
she said it was ok for her to take her top off in the hot tub but she didn't take off her bottoms because that would be slutty
how lazy do you have to be to be a fat vegetarian?
thank god my boss can't smell the tequila on my breathe over the phone.
I woke up naked in my bathtub at 5:30 this morning. There's legit a spray tan body print of me in the fetal position in my tub.
since when did our medecine drawer and our sex drawer become the same drawer? we now have lube covered cough drops.
I barely even remember him. He is just a distant beard in my past.
I'd like to stay optimistic, but I have this nagging suspicion my penis is in for a disappointing holiday weekend.
Every bathroom has like throw up and like bagels in it. Richie didn't even have bagels.
I asked if anyone's pants felt wet on the bottom, like a half hour after mine did. I had just peed my pants i had gotten so high no biggie
This is it. This is the birthday cake that gets me laid.
I'm to childless and to single to be asking myself why I'm so sticky
there is partying, then there is whatever we did last night.
I'm gonna have to start putting baby wipes and a change of pants in my bag. The amount of times I'm scared of shitting my pants in public is too high and I need the reassurance
Randomize