i just told a girl i would suck the alcohol out of a deoderant stick
i just made mint juleps with bourbon and fresh breath strips. i am the macgyver of alcohol.
Her friend drew me a diagram of how we could get away with her giving me a blowjob at work.
our night together was a product of my beer goggles and jennifer aniston-like desperation.
you were on ground yelling about how close the floor was to your face.
She's the second Ashley to meet and blow me in the same night. Sensing a trend.
Yes, let me tell you about the time I was forcibly locked in a bathroom when my ex-girlfriend was having a bad shroom trip.
So what happened? Or does sex + ramen pretty much cover it?
Try eating a sub blackout with your uncle. It's not easy ok
sorry for the random call. He stopped mid-sex because he wanted confirmation that I was really a reverend.
Please don't bang more than two exes at a time, just so I won't get confused.
It's 2017. Get with the program. Also remind me never to get margaritas with you ever on Cinco de Mayo.
There are flour footprints all over the house. Either u guys are trying to pull that Paranormal Activity shit on me again, or u got drunk and tried to make pancakes.
The bad thing is that I bled through my bandages last night and keep finding blood around the house. It's almost like a scavenger hunt for solber me. I get to find out where drunk me went.
Just ordered a pregnancy test off amazon. Fuck 2019
Randomize