Where's the Hot Mess Express headed tonight?
I hope that's not the new nickname for my friends and me.
it was frightening. in my opinion the only thing that should resemble a vagina is a vagina.
I'm going to fuck him so hard that his dick is going to fracture
Glad to see your being a lady about this
You gave the cab driver your pants as collateral while you ran in the house for money.
why did you let me tell everyone that you can get herpes from the ice luge and then let me do the ice luge?
Just so you know you don't have to worry about me picking up any guys tonight. The Hilton is hosting guests from the North American Gay Volleyball Association and the Comic Palooza
Remember when I referred to my box of wine as my briefcase and made all of those stupid jokes about working overtime? Thanks for ignoring my cry for help.
Maybe before the beach I should get a tracking chip in my arm.
well i mean she can't stop a weed based friendship...its like a trying to stop a bomb or a really fast train...
Yes sir I did. I'll be there with a guest. And no, my date won't be an escort.
Well if that changes tell the escort to bring cocaine.
SO EXCITED ABOUT STRING CHEESE RIGHT NOW
I am eating a king sized snickers in the strip club. Good morning.
Can someone please remind me later tonight that there's a taco in my purse. I may get drunk and forget I put it there
"Because this is an ongoing legal matter" is how his morning after sex text began. So...
still drunk.please come get me.he kicked me out because i couldn't stop laughing about passing out in the middle of taking his virginity.
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