bar tonight had a doorbell to get in and last night i saw my neighbors fuck on the balcony, she wore a nurse outfit. Missouri isn't so bad...
You told the bartender you needed 2 beers, and a shot of his cum...
My niece just threw up all over me. My sister's breastmilk was on my face. This is like a fucked-up porno gone terribly wrong.
If I had KNOWN you and mom were coming to visit, I wouldn't have passed out in the frat. This is why I hate surprises.
Omg considering I am covered in cake and probably cocaine that is the greatest news I have ever heard
The background of my phone is you taped to the wall wearing a cowboy hat
Oh damn. God have mercy on everything w a dick in a ten mile radius.
Do you think you're physically and mentally capable of killing me? Because I'd really appreciate it.
Guess what I'm doing tonight? Tacos and strip chess.
On a scale of zero to "unmitigated disaster," how drunk is he?
We are making a pool on how long he stays sober this time you want in?
Emojis can't explain what he felt when that ass dropped
this is the second night in a row i've fucked a guy i met on craigslist. and it wasn't even a post for sex. i posted a housing ad. A HOUSING AD
We should get drunk in walmart
when?
20 minutes ago
You ever fart so hard it made you cum a little? A "friend of mine" wanted to know.
Randomize
