I cant video chat with you tonight, my parents are home
r u implying that im some kind of v-chat prostitution whore?
Instead of asking if I had a condom she literally said " I'm not on the pill but I'm pro choice... your move"... I'm in love
i'm gonna be such a cougar when i'm older...i just facebook stalked my little sister's 13 yr old boyfriend while drinking a bottle of wine....
i had the all of mcdonalds chanting USA as he motorboated you
We're at the hospital. She got a head rush and fell and now blood everywhere. Smoke the rest, just save her a bowl
It was a taxi full of fist pumps and chanting to "face down, ass up". It was that 1% that makes my job worth it.
It was over as soon as he asked if he could name my vagina pancake.
Can vaginas get frostbite?
A baby just tried to pull out his mom's huge tits at work today and nearly succeeded. I was silently cheering for the little guy.
I am no longer drunk enough to crave tostitos
Watching the series finale of Friends and crying in my Thai food. I don't like hangover Jared.
what do you mean i can't make cookies with a blow dryer? challenge accepted.
sex on a roof was cool and all but that superhero argument was the best part of the night hands down
so hungover. idk whos house or comp im on
There are footprints all over my windshield
You said you were making waffles...
Randomize
