If you were a Panda and I were a Koala and we had a baby, it'd be a falafel. Just think about that.
I can't believe believe she called me a slut. She doesn't know anything about me or my life.
Shit, that's something a lot of sluts say.
Best moment of my life. I just got a text from some random number that said i can't wait to touch you. Her name is kiara and she had the wrong number.
Just found the book "How to Stay Christian in College" on my roommates desk. At a loss for words...
I could get a dump truck for 1000. Think of the possibilities.
It's sad that the best source of heat that I have is my vaporizer.
He makes me wish my vagina was bigger... This must be what love feels like.
i'm half naked talking to a cat. you don't have to justify your life to me.
I have no idea. There are 6 asians singing hey soul sister to me right now.
Hungover and I may throw up in my therapist's office. Maybe he is right about my drinking
When she sees your dick for the first time, tell her it glows blue when orcs are close
Dude, you stalking his LINKEDIN profile will NOT affect your chances with him. We aren't 40...
we played his NES Classic. Turns out there is a warp zone to my vagina.
I'm writing to thank you for your never ending commitment to my orgasms and also to apologize if any physical harm was done due to your impressive efforts. Hopefully the sex and post sex pizza made up for it.
I just tried to snap you a picture of the CVS where we decided not to become parents.
Randomize
