are you so shy because you have an std?
He just told me he would murder a thousand dolphins to be with me. Quite the charmer.
would it be rude to tell a homeless man that he should sell the lebron jersey and brand new nikes he's wearing if he's really that hungry
dude they were twins that means they were both only 17
tuesday night obama will do an address about the oil spill at 8... it'll only be about 15 minutes... but i think thats plenty of time for a drinking game. key words "oil" "bp" and "responsibility"?
Fuck yes. Let's make bingo cards.
I woke up with dick mouth, a raw vagina, an empty bottle of vodka and the best man next to me. I also found my thong by the pool. Best.Wedding.Ever.
I made weed fried chicken. What have you done today?
We couldn't get our shit together to go to the bar, so we're getting drunk and facebook stalking all the girls who have gotten fat since high school. Any names you wanna throw out?
Yes, that was ME getting carried out of the club singing 'i believe i can fly'
You pretty much isn't said it
Those words don't go together.
She tried to beat the waitress over the head with a bread stick because one of her martini olives was missing a pimento. All while screaming "IT'S GAMEDAY BITCH"
Olive Garden will never be the same.
Should have know they were on something when he started filling a Togo container with fruit
I mean honestly, what would you have done?
Not screw her in the church house?
I'll give you some leg action but I'm not showing you anything else until your penis admits it loves me
He told me that he had never gotten a blow job. I sat there for a second, then thought "I MUST FIX THIS!" It was fucking fantastic.
Randomize
