We were tigers and tigers don't wear pants
there is cereal in my wallet where all the cash used to be.
We folded our dollar bills into airplanes. This really makes the strippers work for it. Like air miles.
i am officially better prepared for a hangover tomorrow than i was for christmas.
You have to understand, this is the first time I'm looking at a whopper sober.
Well fuck that. I mean, I made out with my cousin once. Who gives a fuck.
you're surprised the chick that fucked you for a free cup has herpes. i don't feel bad for you.
There is a visibable outline from you in the grass. its you in the fetal position...
Watched him slip somethin into her drink. Dragged him of his bar stool, punched him out, and told her what i saw. Bartender used some chemical to confirm presence of rophynol. Just woke up at her place
Ummm so does anybody remember me stopping to get my ear peirced last night and make an earring out of a staple? Or did I just somehow lay on this thing and ram it through my ear?
Dad, is it in any way illegal for me to run around throwing handfuls of lucky charms at people tomorrow?
you're kidding right?
Did the vodka turn my hair yellow or did something else happen last night?
You can glorify being single all you want but relationships are awesome. I haven't gone more than 24 hours without sex since June.
If I am telling you about the details of the shits I take I probably don't want to have sex with you. Probably.
We talked about breaking up, had sex, and in the middle of said sex, talked more about breaking up- best sad day ever
Randomize