Passing las posas road. In a world of pain. Im trying to piss in a bottle through the hole in my crotch. I wish i had a bigger dick.
Just got a citation from campus security for an "accordion disturbance."
I dumped him because he's never seen star wars. I'm certain I did the right thing.
I don't know how God could bestow someone that emotionally confused with such an awesome penis.
i leave for school in 3 days. if you want your annual goodbye blow job you should probably call me
He woke up next to me, said I "wasn't naked enough" and fell back asleep. I proceeded to blow him.
"can of pringles" is totally a legitimate measure of time
It was going alright when lo and behold Tom the cock blocking tornado hits. He is the only man I know who doesn't want anyone to fuck girls.
The moment I said this burrito on my nuts feels really good is the moment I knew I was drunk
Plus who wants to live somewhere tom jerked off? No one.
I know you've been in hospital with meningitis, but last night I walked into a streetlight and bruised my penis so who's really suffering here
after stripping the bed and soaking it with the "pet spot remover" I have, I decided in the best interest of my mattress and our drunk friends bladders, i should invest in rubber sheets.
I never truly understood the phrase ball is life until I started having to balance NBA finals and all these men with balls i'd like to handle.
I haven't heard from him yet. He's either still asleep (which is entirely plausible..... There wasn't much sleeping happening last night) or he's robbing me blind. But I have renters insurance, so either way, I'm ok with it.
Is it weird that my mother is taking body shots off my gf after meeting once?
Randomize
