he is not the type of person you only have sex with once. god adds years to your life every time you sleep with him.
I want Jason Statham to talk British to my vagina.
halfway through eating me out he goes 'oh that reminds me i have to buy fish for good friday'
In retrospect, getting to second base BEFORE anal wouldve been a good idea
The only thing the cop asked me is..... "how are you still alive"?
Btw, just wanna point out that you've hooked up with two guys whose birthdays are today. Congratulations, you have a type!
we were sitting on his couch watching tv and laughing at how funny the voices on the commercial were, then we realized the volume wasn't on.
Both the cop and the paramedic were hitting on me while I was on the ambulance. My boob fell out and they just about had full on erections right there. They Came back two hours later to sign my cast with their phone numbers. #stillhotwhilebleeding
I just found out that I slept with Kate Gosselin's publicist back in June . Brb I have to wash myself endlessly.
I raided the fridge drunk the same time dad was eating breakfast
What happened to my face?
You kneed yourself in the eye during the Harlem Shake.
It was impressive.
No I did not just post a Craigslist ad for a used stripper pole because I can't afford my own. But now that you put the idea in my head I might have to.
It's Breast Cancer Awareness Month!!!! What random hook up should check my tata's this year?!?!
Through a complicated series of events, I wound up in the desert with a blue chick from comic-con. we lost peter. if you're alive, please come get us.
She actually made an event on facebook for tomorrow when she does a pregnancy test, 8 people are attenting so far
Randomize
