so I was just driving high and I stopped to let a pinecone cross the road because I thought it was a hedgehog.
im dressed up like a present. waiting for someone to unwrap me ;)
this is your brother
You're having sex and i just smoked and made oatmeal...i'll give you some time to be jealous
If you dedicate your next bite to me, I'll dedicate my first orgasm to you.
Stop staring at my boobs, I can't concentrate
Well how do you think I feel
fair enough
Just wanted to make sure that my favorite hot mess is still alive. I dont need words, just a response of any sort. K hope youre living
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This is sufficient.
yeah, you were trying to hump the doorman.
when did we get a doorman?
we were also in the wrong building...
Sitting in a bubble bath with my bong, how's your morning?
There's something odd about buying beer for the first time while wearing my school sweater from kindergarten, but I don't mind.
He explained how that handle got into our fridge. I think i'm going to stick with my original assumption that the vodka gods want me to drink more vodka.
I couldn't get past the raccoon on my porch so i slept on my lawn.
The only thing I remember is doing a toddlers and tiaras dance routine onstage. I fucking CURTSIED.
OMG stop. Pretty feet? Sparkle baby!
You're asking your pregnant booty call to go to a funeral with you?
If he survived pride he can survive a gay bar
Seriously babe, why do I keep waking up with bruises on my nipples? WHAT ARE YOU DOING TO ME IN MY SLEEP?
Actually, scratch that, I'm not sure I want to know.
yeah, last night we handcuffed you and you started crying saying that you weren't a bad person
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