Do you know my vagina holds 14 pints of water?
She solidified the fact that the icon from Wendy's is the only ginger I care for
After he came he asked what I was doing for thanksgiving.
Sober me is really good at getting to the airport on time. Drunk me is really good at shitting my pants. Do you know how much pants cost at the airport????
Just hook me up with your dad already stop being selfish
It feels kinda weird thanking you for sucking my dick, but I just don't know what else to do right now
If me getting shot doesn't get me pussy I am officially gay
I am incapable of maintaining a guy's interest in me. It's like erectile dysfunction but with feelings
according to the video, you won you first drunken karaoke contest based off of your actual singing abilities and not because you took your shirt! I've never been prouder :)
I just threw up birthday cake.. who's birthday was it?
I suppose what I've learned from this experience is that sometimes you just have to make out with a narcissistic baby daddy to make a clean getaway.
I dont have to work tomorrow im yelling gibberish at squirrels
Also, what day were you thinkin we should trip balls at the children's museum?
Apparently, im the only one in the world who thinks Larry King is hot.
You were cussing me out in sign language, and slurring your signs.
That's some kind of record drunk there...
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