Yeah no shit. My mom is giving me winecoolers as we watch a show abt alcoholics
It wasn't long before I skipped the martini glass and went straight to drinking from the shaker.
note to self: Never ask your girlfriend to have a 3some with your ex...
hey, we don't wanna leave the house because we're watching fireworks on tv. this is america.
I love Welcome Back Week...No I wont accept your god but i will accept that hot dog
They are taking turns pissing on the fire. This is my life.
Topenga is going to be back on TV. Finally my fantasy of her being a milf in junior high has come full circle.
They are stoned and trying to learn sign language together. It's like watching a chimp waving at itself in a mirror.
I wanna send them a card but I don't think hallmark makes a "sorry your fiance and another girl blew me at the same time in a frat house but congrats!" card
I think I just gave my niece a weed pinata...
Bored of what? I stayed up all night researching sex toys because I'm excited to do things with you that I haven't done in 29 years of having a body.
I want to wait until after I get laid before I ask him his political affiliation. Just in case. I'm so desperate I would bang a Republican
I'm recreating the you're a wizard harry video with a guy on snapchat whilst having snapchat sex with another... Adulting is fun
I'm going to draw something on my chest and I need to incorporate my nipples. Any ideas?
I’ve gotta be honest, I didn’t expect to have sex. I didn’t shave... anything. You couldn’t have been impressed.
Randomize