I just saw how many times I called you last night. You're welcome.
if you could put a roof over IU campus it would be the biggest whorehouse in the nation
hungover + watching bobsledding = i just puked
i was trying to find the best way to say come over and have sex, without saying it.
Houston, we have a problem
where are u?
Houston. That's the problem. I don't know how I got here.
If I'm gonna go to jail I'm gonna be wearing a poncho
He just ordered a bottle of Beam at an Italian place for us to share.
You don't have to believe me. My vagina knows it happened.
Is it sad I don't want to go buy $1 Mac-n-cheese cause I need to pay rent... I'm re-naming this college.
Also, peanut butter on a spoon dinner is back in existence and it is good.
He came when he saw that my nipples were pieced
Like I've never seen her that drunk. She's usually like quiet and doesn't say she'll fuck someone on a futon
Someone just walked into the bar with a pillow
I don't know whether to judge him or give him a high five
I can't relate, I like my boobs roaming free like a wild animal, and I occasionally let them devour small children
No actually you're a pro. You puked on the cab ride, and managed to completely contain it in your purse. the cabbie was even impressed.
woke up hungover this morning lying in a water raft covered in water.. i dont know if i should consider this good or bad
Randomize
