this is amzing! feels like my body is having sex with its surroundings!
He told me to fart on his lap because the vibrations turned him on
i rewarded my self with tacobell for not throwing up on any one. MISTAKE
I didn't realize how much I missed him until his balls were back in my mouth..
He would stand there for a few seconds with a blank look on his face then randomly start running full sprint towards macdonalds. We'd catch him and he'd promise to stop so we'd let him go and he'd do it again.
He came to my house drunk at two a.m., got in the hot tub, refused to get out until he smoked a blunt, and said "That's what brothers and sisters are for."
Nothing like buying a handle and a 36 pack with a baby strapped on.
He ran around the party with a broken foot/ankle with a gallon of Malibu yelling "it must rain coconut"
The trick will be getting hammered before we get to the first bar
Challenge accepted
body shots are frowned upon at family weddings. i'll keep that in mind next time. maybe.
Come here I'm naked
And I want mozzarella sticks
bitch i am allowed to be rude i just fought cold hard porcelain with my face
Alvin just won tickets on the radio. I guess he's out of jail.
I just sent him a message bearing my soul about how much he means to me as a friend and his first response is "are you drunk?"
Shit like this is why I'm a bitch to everyone.
This toilet bowl is my home.
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