Megan Fox is the only woman I would let pee on me.
I'm similar. She's the only woman I'd ask to pee on me.
Ok yeah you're right. I'd ASK Megan Fox to pee on me. I'd ALLOW Erin Andrews to pee on me if she asked.
if i hear one more christmas song, i will fucking shoot myself.
and then she yelled "im going to fuck the next guy that walks by me". so ya thats how i lost my virginity
I had to brake up with him.
In my experience drinking helps.
You dont want to know why?
Not really. I want to drink.
Is it bad if one of my goals right now is to snort blow through a licorice?
Don't answer that. It is bad.
He called himself Jesus all night but I'm not sure if that's his real name or not
whats our policy on dating high schoolers?
we dont have a policy but im pretty sure the state of michigan does
Well I just found a coupon for cheese in the bathroom so I've got that going for me
We're doing a team debriefing of Saturday night in group text right now. As 75% of the female presence at that party we saw some shit.
He came on my favorite pants. He is dead to me.
I ask for a dick pic and he sends a picture of Dick Cheney. Who does that?
My mom just asked me if I knew what Buzzfeed was. Then said she's watching the second Magic Mike for the bodies. Please help.
Uber driver offered to have sex with me since I went home solo. - rock bottom
I just ate the lyft drivers bacon cheeseburger. Well fuck me this night escalated quickly.
I was totes going to lose it to him last night, but I cried and we ate mexican food instead.
Randomize
