i feel like a thai whore the morning after the navy left.
that girl looks like she smells like hot dog water...
So i told my advisor i had to drop the class bc the prof said "supposably" and "irregardless" within the 1st 10 minutes of the 1st class; she agreed with me that dropping it was the best choice
I swear he shrunk like 2 inches. Remind me that drunk sex needs to remain drunk sex.
Going to the market. I need some nachos and a serious re-evalution of my life.
apparently it's a turnoff if you ask a guy why he thinks he needs to use magnums
Call me as soon as you're able to dial a phone. I just took a shit behind a building in broad daylight and need to get the fuck outta here soon.
The only responsible thing ive done in vegas is shower and that was onky to clean vomit off me
This is going to be one of those "I can only do this high" classes
so i EARNED it!?! i EARNED dying alone with cats!!?
Went to night shots with Kayla... she punched this guy and I got his friends number. Not sure if she's the best or worst wingman ever.
I just remembered that last night I seriously contemplated swallowing the cap to my toothpaste
Hey sorry if you felt me holding your hand in the middle of the night I was actually just checking you had a pulse
i walked into her house and she introduced me to her family. i dont think she understands the term booty call
No I dont want him to bring his twin brother, cause then ill have to entertain him with my vagina
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