You're going to have to start masturbating with your left hand. Or with someone's vagina
Jesus can read your poker face... He is not pleased
apparently i traded the tiffany necklace my mom bought me for 2 shots and next in line for beer pong at the frat.
You're like the curious george of whores
NO YOU'RE NOT. I don't want to hear that SHIT. Jameson appreciation day part 1 is saturday and YOU WILL BE READY.
Update: still drunk enough to get lost in Zellers and to think my reflection was my mother. Awesome day.
Dude, I'm importing a boy from Oklahoma for my divorce party. It's like doctors without borders, but with dicks.
Repeat the weekend mantra. "I like boys with teeth, I need boys with teeth, I deserve boys with teeth, I will have boys with teeth".
We're having Wednesday-night goat-night at the bar.
It's hard to explain...
Attempting to sleep without a bra since i got my nips pierced wish me luck. Also almost sent that to my coworker.
I'm just to the point my give a fucks is so far in the red that I'm going to have to take out a 30yr loan of fucks to repay it
If he sends me a dick pic so help me god.
Well I'm half drunk in a green tutu at a chipotle. So pretty good parade.
You ask to touch his thighs ten times and called them magnificent.....need I say more
Dad is celebrating turning 45 by being drunk in a department store before two o'clock.
Randomize
