We just got really drunk and bought toilet paper. Successful Monday.
He told me he finished so fast because he's a sprinter. I hate athletes who are really just pussies.
HE KEEPS WALKING AWAY. IT'S LIKE HE DOESN'T EVEN LIKE FRIES. WTF.
I know, but I was really high and I felt like a failure dragon because I could only blow smoke, no fire.
She just flushed the toilet with her head inside it...
At least now when I say "never again" the likelihood is that it won't actually happen again the next weekend...that my friend is called growth
I broke my arm trying to do a hand stand in my shower to wash the hate out of my asshole.
I came in and I guess my parents didn't hear me. My dad just said "Don't be lazy, RIDE IT." to my mom. Never coming home again.
I can't finger myself when I'm all distracted about whether or not your family is going to like me
I'm at the point in my life where I'm gonna sell my eggs for cash
I'm never going out with the ashleys again. it was whoreible. terrifyingly whoreible.
Other than unclothed paranormal encounters, how has your day been
I will consider it. I need to determine if ogling him is worth almost certain death via zipline.
like when you break up with someone your virginity slowly starts to grow back & when it's done it's like ding ding ding you're ready to date again
You literally asked him, “Do you come here often? Do you want to visit my vagina?” With no hesitation
Randomize
