well apparently i yelled MY VAGINA WAS ANNIHILATED and his whole family heard
You know its bad when you're praying for a hangover just so you aren't still drunk at work anymore.
I'll be waiting for you under the stairs with peanut butter and tequila ... Don't tell the neighbors
I tried making the sex a little better this time so right before I blew I yelled "ready or not here I come!"
Most guys don't get turned on by "skinny, gangly legged girl with glasses laying in bed touching herself." You better start working on your diction if you're gonna keep up the sexting.
Hannah Montana > iCarly
I'm disregarding that text and your testicles entirely
bro i finally banged her last night on our basement couch
I'm at this frat party right now and yelled "my little 16 year old brother finally lost his virginity." They gave you a standing ovation
Just so you know, I'm standing in my bra eating cereal. My keys were in the cereal box.
U owe me five dollars for that paper towel you bet i wouldnt eat last night
Alosmot hir two of of mt mailanoxwa
Oh Jesus.
You are the only one who would stop a bum, tell him to open up, then pour straight vodka in his mouth. You made his year.
Call me when you get back form court. Hopefully its not later than noon. Just remember..win or lose we still booze.
She has a lazy eye!
My other option is a hardwood floor
slept with a 6'5 mountain man from Montana and then he played 'Girls Just Wanna Have Fun' on repeat..
I often worry that if I get famous, people from my past will recognize me and start talking to the media
Randomize
