I called him Han Solo during sex, he looked at me like he was mortified then I realized he came.
tequila makes her clothes fall off
wow Mom, sounds like youre having a good time
Hey Operation Dumbo Drop... FYI, when you select your date this evening, our doorway is 3'x7'
She threw up everywhere and is crying about a fictional character who died on Grey's Anatomy
She had a little wicker basket of condoms by her bed. Disturbing yet convenient.
just took a shot of real whiskey... i forgot what it's like to drink liquor that costs more than twelve dollars.
Something about a hand job in a car doesn't scream girlfriend
When I came in she was screaming "boundaries!" at the cat because it was trying to eat her pizza rolls.
If drawing me a picture of his dick in draw something is flirting then he is doing it wrong.
HOLY FUCK COMFIEST CHAIR EVER
Apparently stumbling across interstate bridges is not cause for concern but screaming Wookie noises at cars is. Thanks, cops.
The Easter dress struggle is real
Yep. Just had to pull mine off to puke.
Make sure you wash your hands. That seagull you threw was very sick.
New Orleans is just like you. Dirty but beautiful and will always have a special place in my heart
and then you proceeded to throw soup at him for calling you a bitch...a CAN of soup...
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