She went to college and exploded out of the slut closet.
Just watched a guy pause a bluetooth convo to puke outside of esso. gotta love orangeville
I have shoes on. No pants. And my jacket pockets are full of ketchup and grass. Yes. Good night.
Rode a jet ski for the first time three days after I lost my virginity. Hell of a week for my vagina.
It was only 12:11 and I needed to make a Pepto Latte and call it a night, I don't remember that being part of my new years resolution.
ITS DAYLIGHT SAVINGS TIME SUNDAY EVERYTHING IS GOING TO BE OK AFTER ALL
Exactly. So he deserves crazy "thanks for keeping me out of jail" sex. Or an "I'm glad your excessive cocaine habit had some positive outcomes" blowjob.
Yeah dude I should be out of the ER in about an hr. They gave me vallium. Go tell the captain its time to set sail.
How do I discreetly dispose of sex toy packaging that is recyclable? What to do...what to do?
I'm going to miss recovering from hangovers on the beach. Rolling around in my dorm bed and watching Friends reruns is just gonna feel like slumming it.
Stay away a while longer.
Still not sure if they're cops or strippers.
You gotta have 1 orgasm for me and the rest can be for you. I'm living vicariously through you 😂
just had a woman ask me to donate my eggs so that her baby could look like me. don't know whether to get a restraining order or be flattered. thoughts?
Dick is healthier for you than green beans
Just got recognized as black out drunk girl. I'm never going to live that down, am I?
Randomize
