at 4 in the morning i heated a family sized mac n cheese for a minute and decided to eat it frozen cuz I didn't wanna wait for that long
she made me cover her fishbowl with my shirt because she "didn't want to corrupt it."
there are way too many $1s in my wallet for last night to have been 'tame'
I need to stop taking drags of other peoples cigarettes, it's such a tease. Like playing just the tip, you just can't
How can you turn a kayak date down? I'M TALKING RIVER HEAD HERE.
Got a personal ride from safe ride. I was crying so hard. The driver said think of something happy and I said Disney. In which I sang him Aladdin. So I got home ok
Remember how I haven't seen my step sister in like 7 years? Pretty sure I just made out with her...
Can we go out and do something semi fancy soon? I feel like wearing a dress and pretending to be an adult.
buying a tattoo gun on ebay just sounded like a good idea at the time idk man
I tore the muscle in my left calf at the gym and still spent all evening in heels. UNSTOPPABLE!
I just want to be covered in whipped cream and spanked, is that too much to ask?
Your dick is going to fall off. Be careful or you'll get callouses. A workingman's dick.
He fucked me while wearing his night time breathing machine mask. Does this mean I joined the dark side and he is Darth Vader?
That awkward moment when you hear your boss yelling during sex while you're on her couch eating Easy Mac.
I'll get the most aesthetic strap on, you'll see
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