dude, you're being a jerk.
sorry, didn't mean to pull a Cheney
so i just googled the prescription for aldara i saw on your desk this morning...
we did it on the golf course and he threw the condom in the pond. some poor fish is gonna choke on it
Do you think they make a "sorry in my drunken debauchery I dropped a pumpkin off the balcony and you happened to be standing right there/get well soon" card?
Really, thanks for buying me caribou, it helped me out. Today will forever be the day I threw up in a caribou cup in the skyway outside of chipotle.
Let's get really high and wear fake mustaches and try not to laugh at each other...
so when our kids ask "when did you know you loved mommy?" you're gonna say "when she sent me emoticons about slobbing on my knob?"
Idk how much more i could have responded my dick was basically trying to unzip the zipper and hop out
Do you think it's safe to mix miralax with a tequila sunrise?
no need to worry, I have the internet and a cape, I can accomplish anything. nothing can go wrong, I am unstoppable. Yo.
i had an epiphany while laying on the driveway for 5 hours yesterday.
i realized i waste a lot of time
There's going to be a velveeta shortage. I'm not drunk any more, this is just dire info.
Owwww. A manager/ employee sex scandal that DOES NOT involve me! SCORE!!!
I saw seagulls fucking earlier today. What have you done with your life recently?
Remember when you brought a guy home from the bar... to our parents house.... on thanksgiving eve?
Randomize
