$35 all you can drink last night. Friend 1 woke up in a hotel lounge, friend 2 pissed himself and woke up wearing friend 1's spare pants, and my toilet indicates I threw up extensively.
Just saw a midget shotgun a coors light
Will you still be my friend if I read and enjoyed Twilight?
No
My boss just called me into his office to apologize for being an "inadvertant cockblock"
she found me naked passed out on the toilet and i just kept repeating "i'm like elvis, but not dead."
Can you call him, he said something about going to the balcony to pee and now hes texting me saying hes lost
My vagina is depressed thinking about her future.
Im cutting you off tonight ONE boy at a time
also please imagine me hopping a fence at 3am using two chairs. It was a shit show. K's guy practically ripped her off the top of the fence bc she got semi stuck. It was like watching Disney on Bud Ice.
I woke up in a toga after going to a Hawaiian party. I don't even know.
lost her for two hours. she was banging a russian guy in her car in the parking lot. he told her she was majestic.
I just want every freshman guy to know about Grindr just so I can have more options
I went out with a plan. I came home with a Brian. THIS WAS NOT PART OF THE PLAN.
Let's ride this possibly pregnant train together
I hate when my Bumble matches make it hard for me to stalk them.
Randomize
