At some point last night I thought pissing in a bottle was an awesome idea when I woke up a little piss was actually in the bottle a lot was on my TV remote
Since my computer broke, i've been masterbating to girls gone wild. I feel like i'm in the 90's.
to cover up your slurred speech you tried talking like the creepy old man from family guy
some drunk bitch driving a golf cart ran over the live band... its bad.
I sang again at the bar lastnight I don't think alanis morrset knew when she wrote you outta know that the drunk version was going to be go fuck yourself Josh and Chelsea. I love $2 wells.
Please save me from this creative non fiction class. I just wrote a paper about how I spend unhealthy amounts of time with my cat.
I spend unhealthy amounts of time watching RuPaul's Drag Race.
I referred to the cat as amicable.
As sure as my left ball is bigger then my right. We will have our moment.
The whorange rubbed off. His white shirt was so gross at the end of the night I told him to frame it.
He'd rather cuddle with his shitty little miniature dog than the half naked girl in his bed. I've lost all hope for him and my vagina
You know you've been having sex for 9 months when you do Rock Paper Scissors for who has to go on top
I forgot a room to the key..so whenever you wake ip and read this...I'm sleeping inthe hallway..please find me
He corrected my spelling during sexting.
the party picked up after I got pretty drunk...I got kicked in the fucking head by a tiny lesbian...she was 5'1" I did not think she could do it...i was very wrong
What's that? Is there a bottle of Jack calling me? I think so...
When I planned out my evening, "co-author lesbian vampire erotica" was not anywhere on my list of expected activities.
Me neither, but hey, this is where we've ended up. Let's embrace the moment.
Randomize
