so i just drove past a racoon and a kid on a long board... god i love 4am white castle runs
It's kind of sad that your greatest accomplishment today is that you stood up and didn't fall down.
It's hard for me to sext him when the picture i see on my phone when he texts me is his facebook default of him and his girlfriend.
Bullshit. No way. If I brushed past your penis it was completely coincidental.
it wasnt even considered partying. it was like "ok, who can get the most shitfaced and not pass out"
I made her orgasm until she cried. Four years of only having sex with dudes and I've still got it.
I WOKE UP IN A FUCKING DOG BED HOW DO YOU THINK I FEEL
I warned you. Don't come crying to me when your vagina refuses to forgive you for this.
you gave a quesadilla a blow job with sour cream at Denny's.
Neighbour is sobbing. Difficult to masturbate.
Beer. Pizza. Seething Rage. I will be full of two of these things tonight. You get to decide which two.
This girl in my class is lecturing my professor about zombies. It has been going on for 15 minutes.
Zombies?
Zombies.
I guess you could say the date didn’t go so well since I was drunkenly Snapchatting with my ex by the end of it.
He started out in my roommates bed and by the end of the night was in mine, not sure how that went down. But he left happy in the morning.
You kept on yelling traitor and threatened to kill him and everyone he loves because he played beerpong with someone else
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