Sam from lord of the rings is 10 yards away from me, i am creaming myself.
so id say it was a successful trip...i only got hit on by one cousin...
Stop inviting me to your birth control calender reminders...my job is to test its effectiveness, not know its schedule
Lmao sorry
I knew it was time to stop when you guys were playing a drinking game called "every three steps take a drink"
I don't think she can come out, she went too hard in the Intro to Theater Drinking Game at 2:30
She was blowing me when her roommate came in and goes "you want me to tap in?"
You realize once your inheritance is finalized this shit will stop happening right?
Why do I think he'd like to keep my hair in a box?
I'm mailing you cans of corn and that's final.
I woke up in an ill fitting childs tutu this morning and the shower curtain is knocked down. Wtf happened?
I just realized that you're going to be drunk for daylight savings time again. Godspeed.
We ate sushi in a hospital bed, then fucked in a bathroom while I wore a gown. Pretty sure she's the one
I can't believe I'm going to buy bitcoin to pay for erection pills
Eh, my puke tasted like lemonade, so not too bad
the fact that you beer bonged rum made me so proud, the fact that you threw up an entire footlong tuna melt after... not so much babe
I'm hungry and horny. DEADLY COMBINATION.
Randomize
