I cant believe we actually had a nipple party!
We videoed ourselves having sex... I now know why I close my eyes during sex
There's a level of bonding between people at the liquor store at 10:30 in the morning that's unrivaled
i'm traumatized. his orgasm face consisted of him looking like my dead grandfather and burping.
Definitely contact high. Thirty miles an hour listening too i can see clearly now wanting too eat the steering wheel
Hey, just wanted to let you know that University Police stopped by and repossessed the stolen laundry basket. And the 8 bottles of detergent.
I need to stop drunkenly getting naked. I'm losing all my favorite party clothes.
You're invited to our X-games themed party. We have an ice luge and every time someone eats shit we drink. It's gonna be great.
I woke up with his condom in my mouth. I actually use them now you should be proud of me.
I'm so stoned I just sat here for like at least 45 min thinking about how I would get some jack in the box tacos if only I knew where my wallet was and then I kind of blinked and finally noticed I had literally been staring at my wallet the ENTIRE fucking time
She brought me back a blanket from Mexico, then we had sex on it
Sneezing cum all over the table was not the highlight of the family reunion if that tells you anything
He left for work so I drank pickle juice from his fridge
I don't know what song to play at my bong's funeral!
He was all “please don’t bail because I’m missing work for this” last night
Honey no, I need dick. I’m not going to bail
Randomize
