yes i saw that this morning. it was my mailbox.
Yes i believe i did use that word. It culminated in a man wearing a corset thigh highs and stripper shoes. All mine btw.
I woke up under a table, with a huge Mexican sombrero, a box of 120 doughnuts and a bloody nose. It all screams success.
I just walked in on my roommates playing baseball with old vegetables and a bigass knife.
We started telling people we were married, and then we hooked up on a park bench
im destined to be single forever. i hope its okay if your kids come and hang out with my cats.
I used to be terrified of what was under your bed until I passed out there last night. Now it just feels like home.
When were you at my house?
Her fortune said that she will soon be free. She's taking her bra off at the table.
My dick looks like crazy bread
pics are now mandatory
I just watched a stripper purchase $43 of Rockstar and corn nuts. Godamnit! We need helmet cams.
She asked how comfortable I was with her while we were in the shower. She then proceeded to pee in said shower.
I have no reason to put on pants anymore. This is my new reality.
her nickname was handjob. I knew what i was getting into.
I thought I was at a rave until the paramedics started chasing me. You win again tequila.
Literally just stood behind a guy in line at Walmart get his card declined when he attempted to purchase condoms. That's rock bottom.
Randomize
