The Wii Fit is already telling me I'm an alcoholic.
Those motion detector trash cans don't work fast enough to catch puke.
almost passed out on the way to class today.. laid down in a construction site. bad idea
Just sit in your kitchen floor until something speaks to you.
His ankle bracelet went off in the middle of sex. That makes a girl reevaluate her life...
There are pictures of you on the shoulders of some old guy dressed as borat
judging by her collection of mens sweaters, shes fucked the entire lands end catalog.
Omfg amy I'm not kidding you I think a blow job is what landed me in the hospital
New hot neighbor boys moving in across from us...So i did the logical thing and bought two 30 packs up the hill and walked right by em. Consider the line hooked and ready to reel.
I just went through the Wendy's drive thru only wearing a towel. My life has hit an all time low
Ever since the Christmas fiasco of '08, I can no longer watch Rudolf the Red nosed reindeer without getting a hard on
It's a beautiful day to be high as fuck
I just learned in class that female whales slap their fins against the water and then ten males come and fight for her yet we can't get guys to text us back
Got my client divorced finally. He was even awarded the cat ashes. Yep I went to law school for this.
Get the fuck in, we're going to Taco Bell.
Randomize
