he was sending me dirty texts but i was watchin nickeloden and couldnt get into it
im ashamed your my cousin
My boyfriend texted me as I was texting some random hookup from last night. His text: "Morning baby" My response: "Your cum is in my hair"
those are the first brownies ive had since i was 13 that didnt have weed in them.
We did face masks and fucked...he really isn't gay, what they say about europeans is just true
We glued Jenga blocks together, called it "magic blocks" and sold it to the stoners for $50 and a bottle of Henny
I may or may not have traded sexual favors for Disney on Ice tickets.
Is "you left your socks here, please come get them" a good way of saying "come fuck me?"
Blacked out, Had to be carried out of the bar again by two large black bouncers. Asked them to be my "boo thangz" Again.
I'm so high I would give anything in the world to be inside my lava lamp right now
Just to be clear, the only reason you're allowed to scream "COCKTAIL SERVANT" at bartenders is because you have nice tits
I woke up to see that I had ripped my boxers into a loin cloth because we were watching last of the mohicans
Jerry got outside again, i found him making dirt angels in the garden. I need to put a bell on that bastard.
I think I just pulled an onion peel off my boob from sleeping on their kitchen floor
I was really hoping my 420 would involve a lot more weed and a lot less buttholes
I did not know male screamers existed until now. Good for him. Good for my ego.
Randomize
