sometimes when you bring the thunder you get lost in the storm
Dude I can't believe you let me go home with the wildabeast lastnight.
You always hook up with hot girls we had to know you were mortal
My husband just tried to seduce me by saying we can do it doggystyle so you can watch tv
Is pulling weed out of a vagina a good thing or a bad thing?
If you hear screaming in the middle of the night, bat got loose. Call poison control immediately and explain rabies
I can always tell I missed tequila night based on the hickeys on your neck man. Fucking call me.
See, thats where im at with my life, welcome to the slut yaht we will be cruising comfortably all summer at an extremely drunken relaxing pace S.S. Slut Bucket
I don't mean to insult you, but did you leave your training bra in my bedroom last night?
We should. Taco Bell definitely gives me the shits though.
It's girls night. No shame, just febreeze
Well you fished my watch out of a possibly vomit filled toilet so I think we're bros now.
I have the rest of my life to settle down this is totally time for friends and pizza
Guy pissing in the corner in downtown Boston as his girlfriend is covering him up, yelling "relationship goals"
Don't worry I sent a creepy stalker message to a guy I slept with 6 years ago, Sunday Funday rock bottom
Dad is celebrating turning 45 by being drunk in a department store before two o'clock.
i cant go to his party cause last time i pressed the red buttons on the wall and the fire alarm went off for 40 minutes, i'm not allowed back there
Randomize
