And then i made him answer questions about me before i took off my clothes
You kept spitting the skittles out cause you said they tasted like "balls of sandpaper"
I was sleeping on the bathroom floor and thought a wet towel might keep me warm.
Being at this bar with grandma is a real cockblocker
And by "hammer out the details" you know I mean spending 20 minutes on wedding plans then getting wine drunk, right?
So the keyword here is "hammered"?
What happens at the gay bar stays at the gay bar. Except that I sold my panties for $100. People should know that.
Balls are being tripped. Said meow to my cat and he said yeah cool dude.
She really is something else.
Words cannot describe what though. The best way to describe her is to say it like watching a bear and a whale have sex. You don't know why it's happening or how. But it's rather funny and you can't look away.
Hey texans ride hard. He should have known what he was in for when I asked to sit on his face. The broken nose was a BADGE he just earned.
Dude at the bar last night came into the bathroom, drop kicked the stall open and start saying lines from happy Gilmore as he was shitting, "go in your home! Are you too good for your home?!"
He yelled "Go Ducks" while he came
I threw up in my backpack last night, but at least it wasn't in the pizza box again
I mean I made my therapist laugh so hard she cried....so yes, my life is literally a joke to everyone
Apparently I called down to the hotel front desk and begged them to bring us pizza. They brought us tea.
Why are you hurting?
Tried to drink all the beer in Nashville last night....failed.
Randomize
